You made me cry and you don't even care
I faked an abortion last night.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
