i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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