And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
