apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
