I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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