Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
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