Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
