i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
