I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
