Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
