Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
