Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
