Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
