I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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