Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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