I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Text me some of your sweat
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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