Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
