I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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