I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
40s are totally the cure
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
