Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
