I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
