What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
