her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
