Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
