P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
