Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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