So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
