So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
