I think my vagina is haunted
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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