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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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