dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
