bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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