Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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