im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
