SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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