I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
