YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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