i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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