Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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