I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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