Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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