last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
