I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
