I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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