I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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