oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
