Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
