You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
