dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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