just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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