I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
it's like iHOP with fire
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
