I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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