before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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